Are you tired of having meaningful work to do?
Fed up with having so much free time that you’ve even considered having a hobby?
So many unoccupied hours each evening you have to spend some quality time with your wife and children?
Then Japan Inc. has the solution for you! It’s called a `job`, and utilizes the latest in advanced Japanese technology to guarantee that you don’t suffer from any of these problems ever again.
These are just some of the services that one of Japan Inc.`s jobs can provide for you;
24 hour overtime
Full pointless meeting coverage
Constant provision of unnecessary forms to be filled in, photocopied and signed in triplicate
(Premium service only) Twice monthly business trips where you can practice and hone your skills of getting nothing done in a professional but caring environment.
With all these wonderful services, you need never worry about having a spare hour for yourself ever again! But don’t just take our word for it! This is what some of our customers have to say;
`It’s been brilliant. I was a married man with two children､and if you can believe it, sometimes I got home early enough to read them a bedtime story! Well, thanks to Japan Inc.`s `job` service, I’ve recently been able to get divorced and move into a one man apartment, where I barely have time to brush my teeth before collapsing into sleep when I return home each night at midnight. Wonderful! ` (Junichi S., Miyazaki)
`The post-purchase support has been so impressive. When I first tried the `job`, I was a little worried that occasionally I would still have guilty thoughts about going to the cinema or maybe having a drink with people from outside the company. I spoke to my representative of Japan Inc. in the workplace (my `boss`), and he was so understanding. On the spot he gave me the task of integrating all of our records from the period 1971-73 with those of the department next door. This painstaking task helped nobody and kept me from sinful thoughts of relaxation or enjoyment. I can`t praise the service highly enough. ` (Shinichi H., Saitama)
`What I was most happy with was the way Japan. Inc. incorporated new technology into
their product to give the best coverage possible. For example, after trying their
service for some months, I was asked to buy a handheld computer by my `boss`. This
I did, and to my delight it meant I was even able to do `work` on my long commute into Tokyo! Previously that ninety minutes of each day had been worryingly free of `work`, and I sometimes had to resort to reading a book or listening to music to pass the time. Now though, with my new purchase I`ve managed to erase those frivolous distractions from my life, and I can concentrate 100 percent on the unnecessary compilation of reports and estimates of annual paperclip usage in the office. Bliss!` (Noriyuki Y, Tochigi).
A ringing endorsement, I’m sure you’ll agree. But, the best is still to come!
Normally we provide this service for free, our philanthropic work for the nation. But,for a limited period only, we can make this unforgettable offer. Sign up now, and wewill pay YOU a monthly fee for trying out our service. Hard to believe, I know.
What’s the catch? There isn’t one,* so, why not join up right away?
There isn’t even the bother of a trial period!
That’s right! Sign up today, and you can be a member for life! We at Japan Inc. strive to keep every one of our members with us until they are old and infirm. In fact, a lot of our members are so happy with us that they stay on right until they die, at which point they will never have to worry about having too much spare time ever again.
That, in the end, is what makes us most happy at Japan Inc, when we manage to remove all traces of individual enjoyment from a person’s life, and maintain that level of service right up to the moment they leave this earthly realm, at which point our sister company, Reincarnation Services Ltd.,** can take over.
So, don’t delay! Pick up the phone and get yourself a `job` today!
*Reports of early death and increased stress levels sometimes leading to murderous rampages in relation to use of the `job` service are unconfirmed and unproven. Plus, if they had time to plan a murderous rampage, they obviously weren’t working hard enough.
**Reincarnation Services Ltd. is available to Buddhists only. Christian applicants
should ask about our `Doing Overtime for the Lord` package instead.